It was calm in our home after the incident, but it didn't last long. In fact, it was almost like the calm before the storm, you could say.
After a particularly long day at work, I came home to Kate standing in the kitchen crying. She had been doing that a lot lately, so I didn't worry about it too much. It wasn't that we were arguing, but she was having difficulties fighting her klepto urges and coming clean to me. When I saw her in the kitchen, that's what I assumed she had been crying about, but I was wrong.
“My life is over!” Kate sniffled through tears. “I never wanted this!”
“Kate, baby, what's wrong?” I was at her side, concerned. I reached to rub her back but Kate pulled away from me.
“I don't know why I ever...” She trailed off, sighing. Then, instantly, she became angry.
She snapped like a twig, out of nowhere.
“You did this! With all the romance and the I love you's and the stupid STUPID-” She balled her fists against the side of her head and yelled.
I backed away slowly. I had never known Kate to be hot headed. This seemed to come from nowhere.
“What is it?” I asked her softly.
Kate took a few deep breaths and then gestured to her gorgeous, curvy body covered with long sleeves and sweats.
“I'm pregnant, you idiot!”
And with that final outburst, the sink exploded.
It took me a minute to take it all in. The sink, the pregnancy, Kate's outburst. I just stared at her for a few minutes while tears poured down her cheeks and water pooled at our feet.
“Pregnant?” I asked.
“Yes!” Kate wailed, hiding her crying eyes behind her hands.
“I don't understand...” I tilted my head and reached out to Kate, who once again pulled away from me. “Do you not like children? Not want children?”
Kate took a few breaths and sniffled. “No, I mean- I don't want this. Any of it, I want to be out there enjoying myself. I feel like a fat, miserable house frau.”
“You sound like you're saying you don't want to be married anymore.” I hated saying it because I didn't want it to be true.
“Murphy.” Kate sighed. “Sweet, dear Murphy. I'm so sorry. I'm just really unprepared for this. I wanted to enjoy my young adulthood. To have a better home for any children I might have had.”
She looked like she wanted to say more, but didn't.
I wanted to fix this, to make her better, but the gut feeling I had since early in our engagement and throughout our marriage only got stronger. No matter what Kate said or how much she apologized and said she liked it, nothing could hide that look of disappointment in her eyes at that moment.
She didn't want this- a baby. Maybe this poor, run-down house. Maybe me. She loved me, I knew, but she was giving up so much for me.
And Me? I barely knew her. I didn't know she was a klepto- is that genetic? I didn't know she was unemployed or the things she liked to do. I feel in love with her too fast and let the important things slide.
I think I was finally realizing this wasn't working out, and though it scared me so much I knew what I had to do: I wanted to break up with Kate.
I couldn't do it right then, though. She was carrying my baby, and I didn't want to leave her alone with child. We could work out the custody later, if things didn't get better, but I wasn't going to abandon her right that second.
So I pretended that, for that moment, everything was okay, knowing in the back of my mind things might end very soon.
Hey baby, you in there?
I smiled and rubbed her tummy while the repairman fixed the sink. I rubbed her back when she complained it was aching.
I kissed her, pretending for a moment that things would get better.
Deep down, I knew that they wouldn't.
Kate must have decided things weren't working out either. As she got later into her pregnancy she became more distant. She wouldn't let me rub her back or kiss her. She barely spoke to me, and when she did she gave me this sad look like she wanted to be anywhere but there with me.
I got more nervous as Kate's due date approached. She wanted waffles constantly and huffed at me whenever I cooked them unevenly. She wanted to kick me for making her return the television, saying how badly she wanted to watch it.
I chalked it up to mood swings, but things were getting stressed. Kate was on maternity leave, so money was tight, and yet she still left home every night leaving me to sleep by myself.
Pregnancy won't stop sticky fingers.
Things were only getting worse, and I was losing any hope I had that things would patch up during this. I still wanted to end things, and I hated it.
Kate went through a nesting phase and we had to add on a nursery to the house.
Not exactly Baby Palace, is it?
It was when I questioned her one night where she got the money for the extra toys and better crib when things exploded.
Kate starting to yell about who she was and how hard it was to change, and the sacrifices we both had to make for our baby, when her face contorted and she let out the loudest scream I've ever heard.
I thought she was just angry, but then I realized she was having the baby.
I helped her dress and we made our way to the Hospital.
I have to admit, my heart was doing somersaults. My baby! My first born child coming into this world! I was so sorry Kate was in pain, but I couldn't have been happier.
It was in the afternoon that my son, Murphy Jr. was born.
I walked out of the hospital in tears.
He was such a beautiful baby, I fell in love with him immediately.
He has his mother's eyes.
Kate, however, seemed less than thrilled.
It was time to realize that we just weren't meant to be. I didn't want my son growing up in a broken home. Things hadn't changed for me, and it was time I ended it before they got any worse.